Monday, October 25, 2010

"I can take a chainsaw and make a treat:" Primary Halloween songs

(A guest post by the Professor)

I am really lucky. I am the music leader for the "Primary," teh children's organization in our church congregation. I have the marvelous job of singing with 50-70 kids each Sunday morning.

It is the best calling in the church--by far. Especially when the Primary leaders are not part of the Mormon Taliban who cry "Heresy!" at the least hint of un-orthadox behavior. The four women who are in charge of the Primary in our congregation are fantastic: very low-key and supportive. Even yesterday, when I pulled out some hallo-weeny upgrades of some of our musical favorites.

The children have been very good and reverent for weeks on end as we have prepared for our annual program. They deserved a break.

I told the kids that I had looked very hard and found Halloween hymns in our Children's Songbook, right before the Thanksgiving Hymns (anyone who knows the Songbook knows that you can look long and hard for anything spooky except for the Janice Kapp Perry arrangements).

Actually, with the help of my own kids, we brainstormed the following songs. They were a big hit, and I give you permission to spread the spookiness across the Kingdom of Zion!

1. Once there was a Vampire (I had them turn up their shirt collars and sing it with a thick Transylvanian accent to the tune of "Once their was a Snowman:"

Once there was a Vampire, Vampire Vampire
Once there was a Vampire Tall, Tall Tall

In the sun he shriveled, shriveled, shriveled
In the sun he shriveled small, small, small (writhe on the floor like at the end of Nosferatu)

Alternate Verse:

Once their was a Bad Witch....Tall Tall Tall,
In the rain she melted...small small small (What a World!)

2. Skeleton Song (To the tune of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes...")

Skull, Shoulders, Kneecaps and Toe-Bones..
Eye-holes, Ear-holes, Mouth and Nose-holes

3. "The Deadcart" (To the tune of "The Oxcart Song," with apologies to Monty Python):

Here comes the Dead-cart, oh how slow
It's pulled by a monk, of course you know
Its wooden wheels squeak as they roll along
"Bring out your dead!" Bring out your dead!"
Is their song

4. "Boo as I'm Booing" (just like "Do as I'm Doing," but with ghostly shrieks and wails)

5. "Zombies Popping up" (this is Maddie's creation. I only let the older kids do this one for obvious reasons. To the tune of "Popcorn Popping" and with lurching, gagging effects):

I looked out the window and what did I see
Zombies popping up and coming after me.
Halloween brought me such a nasty surprise
Zombies popping up before my eyes

I can take a chainsaw and make a treat
Some Zombie-Slaw that will fill the street
It wasn't really so, but it seemed to me
Zombies popping up and coming after me.

I must say, I felt the spirit after the senior primary got finished with that one. Should I be worried about my daughter coming up with the term "Zombie-Slaw?

Good, Clean Holiday Fun.


Jessica said...

HAhahahahaha! Man, I wish we were done with our program already so we could do something like that! We still have two weeks to go.

McFamily said...


I think you meant
Once there was a vampire, tall, tall TALL
In the sun he SPARKLED, sparkled sparkled
In the sun he sparkled and that's all

Curtis said...

I'm not quite sure how these would go over with the leadership of our ward. But, I do know what we're singing for FHE tonight. Well done!

Katie said...

I always brag to my liberal friends about the things you do in Primary -- they Googled and found this post, so you might have a lot of extra visitors today!

Curtis said...

"Zombies Popping Up" was the overall favorite last night. I think I'm going to teach some of the songs at pack meeting tonight.

McFamily said...

And just for the record, they didn't *all* make it. I put the kibosh on Jesus Wants Me For a Zombie. Nein nein nein.

Jennette said...

Fantastic x 100! You are amazing as always. This tops all!

Soozcat said...

My brother wrote a variation on "Follow the Prophet" about some people invoking the wrath of various Old Testament prophets, and what unfortunate things happened to them as a consequence. He calls it "Run from the Prophet." I can't listen to the original now without thinking of his lyrics...

nedra said...

I passed on your Haloween Primary Songs to our Primary. I think I'll visit this Sunday!