From Rob: Why MA Tops All of the Other Hot Women who Appear in the Films I Teach

I would like to compose a post-Academy award tribute to my own Leading Lady.  The category?
Hottest Woman Appearing in a Film I Teach.  A Countdown of the contenstants:
5. Irma Vepp, Les Vampires (France 1922).  On my on-line course evaluations for my "Crime and Aesthetics in French and German Cinema" course, several students reminisced fondly about how I had referred to criminal mastermind Irma Vepp as "Naughty and Bouncy."  Several Times.  In front of the class.  Even though it caused a situation at my yearly review, I stand by my evaluation.  All crimes should be committed in that nasty suit.  
4. Hildegard Knef, THe Murderers are Among Us (Germany 1946).  Oh, Yeah.  Love in the rubble.  No one works a head-scarf like this smoldering and damaged Trummerfrau.  And, afgter running around with cute ash-smudges on her nose and saving her man from committing murder, she pulls it together and shows up in the last scene as a proto-1950's bouffant-coiffed domestic goddess.  Yow.  Besides, the name "Hildegard Knef" just rolls off of the tounge.  "Oh, Hildegard Knef! Help me purge the ghosts of the past!" 
3. Marianne, Wild Strawberries (Sweden, 1957).  Poor old Isak Borg.  He has cut off his heart from his loved ones for so long that he has become a lonely old man.  And, to add to the grief, Isak's Ho-Ho-Hot Schveedisch daughter-in-law leaves his dink of a son Evald and comes to stay with him.  No wonder he dreams of himself in a hearse.  Their road trip together involves several other blondes with Ikea names, but none as cold, sassy, and full of that luscious Ice-Queen Mojo as Marianne.  As the Swedish Chef would say, Husker Du MORP MORP MORP!
2. Franka Potente, Run Lola Run (Germany 1999).  OK, Mary Ann would never dye her hair Elmo Red and have her navel tatooed.  But she can outrun me, just like this trashy little Berlin punk who sometimes goes volcanic and breaks glass with her screaming.  She hauls Arsch across town in combat boots, all to save her worthless boyfriend Manni.  She is, to quote Berlin's new tourist slogan about itself, "Poor but Sexy."  
1. Queen Latifah, hatever film She Happens to Be In (USA, ALways).  I know.  I never have taught a film with the Queen in it.  But, I mean, COME. ON.  She is the new poster girl for the divine Yiddish term "Zaftig."  It literally means "juicy," but it is used in Yiddish to refer to "Women of a Certain Size who Got It Goin' On."  She is the Anti-Calista-Flockhart-Kate-Moss-skin-and-bones-bulemia-chick-who-chews-on-the-sleeves-of-her-too-long-sweater.  You see Queen Latifah and you immediately drop your helping verbs and your final "g:" She bouncin'. She movin' Whe warmin' it up.  

And the envelope please....This year's hands-down winner is.....

Mary Ann!!! Filmography: Hot Mama (USA 1998) Hot Mama II, II, and IV (USA 2000, 2004, 2008)  Relief Society Vixens (2006), An American Sexpot in Vienna (Austria 2009)

Mary Ann tops all of the others. She is Naughty. Bouncy. Damaged. A Domestic Goddess. Redemptive.  An Ice Queen.  Volcanic.  Poor but Sexy.  Willing to Run Across European Cities for her Man.  Zaftig.  Zaftiger. Am zaftigsten.  She shakin'.  She bakin'.  Husker Du MORP MORP MORP!!!








Comments

jenlinmin said…
What a wonderful tribute! And you two are "seelenfreunde" (is that right?)
1:45 PM
J said…
This whole entry raises lots of strange Freudian issues for Mr. Twinkie.
8:27 PM
Heather said…
Love love love your love affair with MA. From the moment we met her in Rosa's Mexican Restaurant in Mesa, we PRAYED you wouldn't let her slip away. That is the most awesomest tribute ever.
7:56 PM
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