From Rob: Surrender the Pink! Scrooge Concedes Concert Battle

Dear M.A. and Blogging Regulars:

M.A.'s Reign of Pink Terror can end now.  I have purchased tickets to two holiday concerts. One of them features Berlioz, and will be more Oct 31 than Dec 25.  The other one, though, promises to be a true holiday concert complete with "Dee-Dee-Dee Doot Doot Doodledoo" Sleigh ride music where they use the little slapping boards at the following point in the song:

"There's a birthday party at the home of FARRRR- (WHAP) -mer Grey
It'll be the perfect ending of a PURRRRR- (WHAP) -ect Day"

They will also make lots of clippity-clop noises and the obligatory trumpet whinny, and shake Sleigh bells during the part that goes:

"Just hear those Sleigh Bells ringaling, Jing-ting-Tingaling too.."

Jing-Ting-Tingeling?  Oy Gevalt.  If I must sit through "Sleigh Ride" cheery x-mas music concerts to please my zaftig little jungle plum (And to de-pink her blog) then consider it my throwing myself on the grenade for the betterment of the Bloggernacle.  I just think it is the symphonic equivalent of some boy band singing "all I want for Christmas--is Yooooooo!" with lots of hair products that are almost audible. 

Now, if it were a Palestrina Motet, or Eartha Kitt singing "Santa Baby" in her little slutty voice, or some dark, Hoffmann-esque freaky tale of decapitated mouse kings and cross-dressing ginger cookies, I could get behind holiday music this season.

But, then again, I am the person who, in the last few years, has spoken out forcefully against the fascist domination of Thanksgiving by the "Mushy" food group.  Every !@*&&$##!* dish at the Thanksgiving table has the consistency of Gerber Strained Bananas.  Our dear half-year-old Fluffy will be in his element--there is no side dish on turkey day that cannot be gummed to death.  Think about it--Sweet potatoes (The crunchiest thing is the soggy pecans), Mashed spuds and gravy, that fakackta grey-green mess of beans,/mushroom gloop /soggy onion rings--thinking about it reminds me of my Grandma's Alzheimers lock-down unit where every dish could be slurped through a Jamba-Juice Straw.  

Enough Scrooginess.  At least all your Blogspot Christmases may be white instead of pink.

you can thank me by sending me some crunchy, browned, melt-in-your mouth sweet potato fries finished with rosemary and kosher salt.  

Cheers,  Rob


Comments

Kiecoo said…
Oh, my dear brother-in-law, I do love you so!
10:45 AM
Anonymous said…
I like crowd-pleasers like Sleigh Bells. I think the only thing that really rubs me the wrong way is when BYU choirs try to sound soulful and instead sound perky. But, overall, out of my entire family I'm probably the one with the fewest musical scruples. I guess I should get my equally-unscrupled husband to buy us some tickets to something.
10:22 PM
Heather said…
I love you Rob. Even when you're cranky. I can't stop giggling about the coconut hooves. For my holiday viewing, I long for the days of the Glendale Center Theater when we'd go every year and see A Christmas Carol. It was the one time at a show (play, movie, whatever) that my parents actually let me buy a treat at the intermission. So do I long for Scrooge because of the warm holiday memories it brings, or because I was a candy freak even then who got a yearly fix? Probably the latter. We have no See's out here, but yesterday at the mall there was a See's kiosk and I spent $41 and sat in the food court eating the good stuff and leaving the crap. I feel foolish spending that much money to eat Scotchmallows, but they are soooo goooood.
1:55 PM
J.M. Tewkesbury said…
Yeah for Sleigh Bells! (And hey, better that then the 12 Days of Christmas. That song leaves me longing to commit suicide!)

P.S. Is it just me, or is it laughably ironic that my word verification is "duett"?
12:11 PM
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